The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
