Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Randomize
