Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
