I just poured my flask into a drink. Then I realized the drink belonged to the guy next to me so I stole it from him. He confronted me and I made out with him to distract him. When I looked up, I realized his wife was watching. Its barely 10:00.
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
