If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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