I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
