Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Well I just put wine in my tea
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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