There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
