my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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