There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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