just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
