You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
