look no pants
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
