I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
