Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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