"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
Randomize
