My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
Randomize
