Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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