If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Randomize
