He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
