doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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