I found somebody to have a 3 sum with
shutup! Who?!?
Hahaha April fools!
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
