I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
So anyways, we returned the toilet paper and decided to use the money for taco bell and slurpees instead...
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Randomize
