so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
