FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
