last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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