Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
