I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
