then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
