He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Randomize
