Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
