I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
