I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
