I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
