do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
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