So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
