u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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