Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Randomize
