Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
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