Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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