I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Just invented taco cereal.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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