addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Randomize
