Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
