Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
