once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
