I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
