when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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