Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
is it wrong to hook up with someone at a memorial drum circle
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
Randomize
