can we get nightvision for the apartment?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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