i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
